A Few Zen Thoughts For Those That Take Too Seriously

• Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
• A day without sunshine is like night.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• Remember, half the people you know are below average.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
• Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
• Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
• Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
• I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
• I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
• Do you think illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
• I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
• Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
• Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
• One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
• They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.