McDonnell Douglas Questionaire

Note: This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour(for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note
at the end is worth a read too...)

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Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration card below. answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet
your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name: ............................................ Initial: ........ Last Name:..............................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char) Code
Name:..............................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

2. Which model did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./......./......

4. Serial Number:........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia/Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
Purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_]Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and
activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular
basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve
you better in the future as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win
a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department,
Military Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or
unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with Low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious
beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of
this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social
faux pas. Unless the word absquatulating has been used in its correct context somewhere other than
in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.

No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the
kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified
to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just
ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around
yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have
received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in warm oven for
40 minutes.