Ah, Its Good To Be A Man!

• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be president.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
• The world is your urinal.
• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
• Same work - more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• Your pals never try to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
• One mood, ALL the damn time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
• You can leave the motel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don't have to clean the apartment if the maid is coming.
• You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
• You don't mooch off other's desserts.
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 45 minutes.
• Damn, it's good to be a man!